How To Be A Good Homemaker (When You Aren’t A Natural!)

There’s an art to being a good homemaker, and twenty year old me would have laughed derisively at the very notion that I would be writing a post on it. Hey, I was a student and anybody who saw my laundry piles and takeaway containers would have shared in the joke. Which is sad really – because most of us aren’t very good at showing ourselves compassion, and I spent years feeling like the home I was making wasn’t good enough, wasn’t immaculate enough, therefore I wasn’t enough. Over a decade and nearly seventeen years of raising children later, and I think I’ve nailed it. Most days.

 

Now before any flaming bras are thrown my way, I want to clarify something. I am a feminist in the original sense of the word. I believe in equal opportunities for men and women. In today’s society, there’s an element of shame in admitting that you want to be ‘just a mum’ or run a home – and what a loss that is to society. Those suffragettes fought for us to have the right to the same choices as men, not for us to feel guilty about wanting to raise families. I’m not writing about becoming a Stepford Wife (I’m more of a Birkenstocks with faded jeans kind of girl than the type to don pearls) or live a show-home existence.

I’m writing about how I became, in the words of my 11 year old son, ‘The cosiest human on the planet.’ 

So grab a cup of something that brings you comfort, whether it be wine, whiskey or tea, and I’ll share my hacks for being a good homemaker in the hope that you’ll find something helpful for you and your family.

1. Become comfortable with Trial & Error.

Error is my old friend at this point, and we’re comfortable in each other’s company. I used to really struggle with the notion of failure, but the older I get, the better I become at sitting with it and learning from it. What works for me and the running of my home might not work for you, but there’s definitely something in a pick n mix approach when it comes to becoming a good homemaker. I’ve tried so many cleaning routines out there, only to discover that I despise that level of structure and needed to find my own rhythm. I’ve Hinched (briefly!) TOMM’ed and followed many a Youtuber’s rituals… it turns out that what’s for me really is for me, and that’s something I had to discover through trial & error.

2. Beds should be made in the morning.

This is something I swear by, and I suspect it’s one of the few things that is a one-size-fits-all. It’s an oldie but a goodie. Accomplishing something before breakfast really puts me in the right frame of mind to go about my day. I actually pull back the covers and throw the window open to air everything as soon as I get up, even in the depths of winter. Come rain or shine, I don’t like my home feeling stale.

3. Put yourself together.

I’m not saying the works, we aren’t talking shaving anything or even matching underwear (though bonus points for no moth holes) but a shower and layer of mascara really makes me feel ready to tackle anything. I know we’re busy running around sorting sippy-cups and cutting toast into dinosaurs, but I’m a mother not a martyr, and no child ever died from asking their 1006 morning questions through a shower screen.

4. Set outfits out the night before.

Honestly, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: this is a game changer. Now, if you’re low maintenance when it comes to how your children dress, this is unlikely to rock your world. But I love cute outfits, for me and for the children, so picking things that match before bedtime rather than faffing about in the morning (when I’m usually feeling much less decisive) is probably why I don’t have greys yet (jinx?)

5. Assign big tasks to a day.

This is as close to a routine as I can manage! I know myself and the moment I try to be too structured, I mentally dig my heels in and resent it. I recently told my husband that I was going to try ‘time-blocking’ (that trend where you write out your day in half-hour slots and allocate tasks to each one) and he openly laughed in my face. Which actually had me feeling defensive for about 90 seconds, until I realised that he was absolutely right. But I’m talking a loose approach, like strip beds on Monday. It works for us!

6. Remember how misleading the internet is – especially instagram!

I don’t actually think that staging for instagram is a problem, as long as we are all aware that it happens. These beautiful white farmhouses with two blankets on rustic shelves, and one lone wooden toy placed on the rug? Beautiful, and absolutely what I want to see on my feed! But also a load of crap, if it’s considered an accurate depiction of family life. If that person is a content creator, I promise you, that corner may be perfect… but their sink is full of dirty dishes. Appreciate it as a feeling and a little piece of art – not an expectation.

 

7. Let go of perfectionism.

This isn’t actually our fault, it’s something that has been thrust upon us by other people’s expectations – and those aren’t the people you need in your life. Mother is not synonymous with cleaner. While we all want to have a home that functions well for our family and looks beautiful, nobody is going to give you a medal for shining your silverware on a daily basis. Done is better than perfect – repeat to yourself whenever you need to. 

8. Any house feels like a home with fresh flowers in a jug and a fruit bowl full to the brim on the table.

9. Meal plan and food shop.

I cannot tell you how much making this a habit changed my life! I now plan meals in ten day blocks, and do a food shop that covers that whole period. I use that same meal plan and shopping list three times a month, with the exception of…

10. Try one new recipe a week.

I’m a bit of a recipe book addict, so it would be a shame for Nigella and Delia to gather too much dust. Nothing makes me feel like a good homemaker more than a table laden with delicious food and my family happily tucking in. Having said that, it’s just unrealistic to think that I have the time, budget or energy to rustle up fine cuisine 7 days a week (and my family wouldn’t notice even if I did!) One new recipe a week, and if it turns out to be a crowd pleaser, it goes on the list to include in next month’s meal plan.

11. Evaluate your priorities.

Maybe I should have this one as number one, because it really matters. What will make you feel like a good homemaker, is unlikely to be the same as your friend, your mum or your favourite influencer. I like to end the day with the children’s bedrooms looking lovely and homely – which utterly baffles my husband, who doesn’t care if there’s toys strewn all over the place upstairs but likes to end the day with the living area looking tidy. If you feel good after spending a couple of hours cooking a meal from scratch but don’t really mind if the toys aren’t picked up, prioritise that. We can’t do it all, all of the time. Or maybe you could, but it doesn’t mean you should – because something else will have to give.

12. Declutter.

I cannot recommend this enough! Now, I know minimalism is big right now… but it isn’t me. I love our comforts and my style is far more The Weasley’s Burrow than showroom-perfect. I like to have blankets on the furniture and keep things that have sentimental value. But, I also love a declutter. While I’m forced to smuggle old, semi-broken toys out of the house with the expertise of a Columbian drug lord – there’s so much truth to tidy space, tidy mind. The less things you have, the less of your valuable time you will spend putting it away, just drowning in stuff instead of feeling like a good homemaker. I also found that my children don’t need fancy Pinterest-worthy playrooms, and play far better with just a few toys that force them to use their imaginations.

*My husband made these shelves from scratch last weekend – proud wife moment!

13. Buy cleaning supplies/storage that you enjoy using.

Judge if you will, but my heart is made happy my peculiar things. New stationary, a broom that makes me feel like I’ve just stepped out of Little Women, a pretty peg belt from Etsy (true story) sustainable wooden scrubbers… they genuinely bring me joy. In the same way new workout wear is more likely to get me to the gym, pretty cleaning supplies are more likely to get used. I will admit that, while I love the rustic charm of a wooden broom, this cordless vacuum has been the sole preserver of my sanity!

14. Delegate.

Repeat after me, I am a mother, not a maid. I am a wife, not a carer. My husband and I had a few teething problems when we moved in together as he had always lived with his parents, whereas I had been a single mum with my own home for years. I enjoyed making him feel taken care of… for a while. Then life got busy, we had babies, and I expected him to step up to be an equal partner when he’s home. It’s a bit of an awkward one to navigate, especially if you’re prone to people-pleasing (not really me these days) or not very good at asking for help (definitely me) but it’s testimony to communication being essential in relationships. My husband and I now divide up the chores when he’s home and it’s a healthy dynamic. We’re there to serve each other and the family we’ve created. Let’s face it, when Jack Pierson started doing the washing up without being asked in This Is Us, ovaries sang around the world… so it’s in their interest, really.

15. Go to bed with a clean kitchen.

Always. Even if the rest of the house is in ruins, make yourself wipe the sides. Waking up to a dirty kitchen when you have to make breakfast is just firmly not the one.

16. Finally, give yourself a break.

Being a good homemaker is not about being a domestic goddess. Find what works for you and makes you feel good about the home you’re running. I don’t care about cushions being scattered over the family room, because I don’t want my children to feel like they can’t live in their home… but when I make a loaf of bread from scratch, I feel like a good homemaker. I don’t want my gravestone to read ‘Always had an immaculate house.’ I would much prefer something like ‘She was home, in every sense of the word.’ Or, ‘I told you I was ill.’

 

I vividly remember a post I saw on instagram a few years ago that really changed my perspective. Be thankful for a sink of dirty dishes, it means you had good food to eat. Be thankful for piles of laundry, it means you have clothes to keep your family warm. Be thankful for a floor to sweep, it means you have a home to grow.

 

As a military family, we have moved around a lot. I vividly remember my husband telling me that one of the things he loves about me is how I can make any house a home – it made me glow. I hope this helps in some way – let me know in the comments if you found something useful or any tips you’ve got for being a good homemaker – as I love those!

Helen x

What you will also love:

15 Lessons Of Motherhood Nobody Ever Tells You